In memoria defunctorum.
Nov. 4th, 2011 01:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_sn0wygooseI am struck with a sense of loss with both the physical loss in my family, and the social/psychological sense of how to express that loss. It has lead me to ponder how does one celebrate the departed's life?
In short, how does one In memoria defunctorum? How does one remember the dead?
In the society I was raised, the dead were just that, dead. No longer among the living once the internment of the body was complete.
Only to be remembered on the reading of the dead on All Saint's Day.
The trouble is, that only buries the pain deeply and when it surfaces, it can be very powerful and debilitating. So it lead me to remember other traditions and their means of expressing grief.
I remember the creole traditions is Chicago, to morn for seven straight days with an emotional outpouring on the seventh day during the funeral. Very cathartic but very intimidating for someone as reserved as I.
I remember sitting Shiva with friends whom mourned for seven days. Swapping stories about the departed and crying and laughing,and in short, outpourning ones heart.
And I learned of a great tradition from the Cossocks. Remembering on the 3rd day, the 20th day, the 45th day, and on the Anniversary of their death. You grieve in stages and relive the pain annually.
I am finding a common thread; let it out for a period of time and permit it to be let out occasionally. This seems to be the most effective way of confronting and accepting the dead. So perhaps, it is time for a change of defunctorum? A small remembrance of the dead, for the next seven days; then remembering and permitting feelings of loss and sorrow to come forth.
In short, how does one In memoria defunctorum? How does one remember the dead?
In the society I was raised, the dead were just that, dead. No longer among the living once the internment of the body was complete.
Only to be remembered on the reading of the dead on All Saint's Day.
The trouble is, that only buries the pain deeply and when it surfaces, it can be very powerful and debilitating. So it lead me to remember other traditions and their means of expressing grief.
I remember the creole traditions is Chicago, to morn for seven straight days with an emotional outpouring on the seventh day during the funeral. Very cathartic but very intimidating for someone as reserved as I.
I remember sitting Shiva with friends whom mourned for seven days. Swapping stories about the departed and crying and laughing,and in short, outpourning ones heart.
And I learned of a great tradition from the Cossocks. Remembering on the 3rd day, the 20th day, the 45th day, and on the Anniversary of their death. You grieve in stages and relive the pain annually.
I am finding a common thread; let it out for a period of time and permit it to be let out occasionally. This seems to be the most effective way of confronting and accepting the dead. So perhaps, it is time for a change of defunctorum? A small remembrance of the dead, for the next seven days; then remembering and permitting feelings of loss and sorrow to come forth.
